Living with a Narcissist and Gaslighting

nar·cis·sist
noun:  a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.

Common Narcissist Characteristics

• Inflated Ego.
• Lack of Empathy.
• Need for Attention.
• Repressed Insecurities.
• Few Boundaries.

A Narcissistic Partner

A Narcissist will often deploy a variety of behaviour patterns such as control, manipulation, and exploitation to ensure that their own relationship needs are met. As the partner you could be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while they treat everyone else with respect.

Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent, resulting in their partner feeling angry, trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves. A Narcissist will purposefully do things to destroy your happiness and relaxing moments, or to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep, in order to have control. While being the target of narcissistic abuse is stressful and hurtful, many narcissists are unaware of how their actions impact others. If they are aware that others feel negatively about them or about their choices, they often lack the ability to take responsibility for their actions or see them as wrong.

Narcissists are also drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance,being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy.

Gaslighting

There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Often it’s a combination of these behaviors. Narcissistic Gaslighting may include suggesting you’re “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” or saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

If you think your Partner is Gaslighting you, consider these red flags: a. You are excessively questioning yourself.  b. You’re constantly feeling confused.  c. You’re frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly. d.  You feel your partner is lying to you about things that are very obvious and expecting you to believe them. Gaslighting can undermine your sense of reality, making it difficult for you to trust your own thoughts and feelings.

But be assured, this is not your fault, and it’s not a healthy relationship.

No matter if it’s a work colleague, a romantic partner, a friend, a sibling, or someone else in your life, let them know that they are Gaslighting you (they may be unaware) and that you won’t stand for that kind of manipulative, emotional abuse. Leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist is tough, but it is possible as long as you trust your gut and have firm boundaries, and keep reminding yourself why you need to walk away.