Stress Archives

An article by Nicoletta Pallotta, MD, LCSW.

The challenges that women deal with are often directly related to their gender; sexism, stereotyping, motherhood, childbirth issues, infertility struggles etc.

As a society we like to think that we’ve achieved ‘equality’, but the truth is the way women experience life and are perceived in life, is still very different to men.

Traditionally perceived gender roles are something we’ll never truly escape. There is inherent pressure on women to balance career and family, and this is something that affects women across the globe. If you have children, you probably undergo immense guilt when unavoidable parental obligations interrupt your working day, even if a 60-hour week is your norm, deep down you may still think this way. All this in addition to the general predicament of feeling undervalued both at home and at work.

If you feel like you need help in dealing with any aspect of life, there’s a lot to be said for talking to someone of the same sex. Female therapists get it, because they live it. They understand. This is not to say that male therapists aren’t amazing and don’t add value, but when you’re dealing with sensitive subjects that are unique to women (and even when you’re not) it can be comforting, and easier to talk to a female counselor who can personally relate to much of what you’re going through.

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We all go through periods of low energy or feeling tired, multiple days of feeling overly tired is not uncommon, but most people can tell when their fatigue feels like something more serious. If that’s the case, or your fatigue gets worse or lasts longer than a week or two, it’s time to get some help.

Psychological causes of tiredness are much more common than physical causes:

Stress
The strains of daily life can feel like they are wearing you out, remember that even positive events, such as moving house or getting married, can cause exhausting stress.

Emotional shock
A bereavement, redundancy or a relationship break-up can make you feel tired and exhausted. Getting professional help to make this grief or shock can help you understand and manage your mental responses.

Depression
If you feel continued sadness and you wake up tired, you may have depression. Sadness is an expected human feeling, but if the sadness extends past 2 to 3 weeks, they it maybe be something more serious. Keep a diary, monitor your feelings. And get help if your sadness persists.

Anxiety
Anxiety can be exhausting! and a perfectly normal human emotion. But if you have regular, excessive feelings of anxiety, you may have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. GAD characterized chronic, exaggerated worry and tension that is more severe than the normal anxiety most people experience. As well as feeling worried and irritable, people with GAD often feel tired.

If you think your tiredness may be a result of one of the above, and you’d like to talk to a professional, contact us now – we will match you with the right therapist for you.

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An article by : Nicoletta Pallotta

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Social isolation and working from home, aimed to stop the spread of the coronavirus may be making domestic violence more frequent, more severe and more dangerous. Are you or someone you love being abused? 1 out of every 3 women are in an abusive relationship and this issue becoming even more common during COVID-19, while we are stressed and forced to spend large amounts of time at home together.

Below are 10 common indicators of abuse:

Stalking: questioning your every move while telling you that they love you and are being protective
Texting or calling you constantly; insisting they are concerned about you and want to make sure that you are safe
Controlling your finances: forcing you to account in detail for every dollar that you spend
Criticizing you for every little thing you do
Humiliating you in front of your family and friends
Angering easily, particularly if he or she is drinking
Forcing you to have sex against your will
Hitting or punching you
Jealously of friendships or any other relationships you have
Isolating you from family and friends

If you can say yes to even one of these, you are in an abusive relationship.

During a calm stage, it’s easy to remain in the relationship thinking that it won’t happen again, but it doesn’t help to ignore the problem or live in hope that the abuser will change. It’s very important to be prepared and have a safety, back-up plan in case the violence erupts again.

Be prepared in case you need to call a shelter

It’s not accepting defeat to be ready. Find out about legal options or other resources available to you before you have to use them. You should know exactly where to go and how to get there, even if a situation arises the middle of the night.

Prepare an emergency bag, for a quick exit

Keep cash, a checkbook, your savings account details, identification, a medical insurance card and your address book in a safe place where the abuser can’t find it. The last thing you want to be worried about at a time like this is money!

Leave the situation

If it happens, be ready to go. If you have children, take them with you. If you are in immediate danger call 911.

You should never underestimate the affect that stress can have on your body and your mind.

The symptoms of large amounts of stress include tiredness, illness, and the inability to concentrate or think clearly. Sometimes, prolonged periods of stress can even cause a mental breakdown. If you suffer from extreme stress or are stressed for a long period of time, your body will eventually wear itself down.

But sometimes a small amount of stress can actually be good in that it can help you gather yourself and take action. For example, when you have an important task to perform, stress can kick in and motivate you to meet your goals. During times of crisis, stress can send you into “automatic pilot” mode where you are able to block out the chaos around you and react effectively in the situation.

Some common stress factors include academic demands; moving house; being on your own in a new environment, new responsibilities; a new job or promotion; changes in family relations and your social life; financial responsibilities, and of course, a global phenomenon such as COVID-19, where our way of life has changed completely and the future is uncertain.

Whether in school or employment, pulling an “all-nighter” can lead to stress-driven exhaustion the following day. Caffeine starts with a temporary energy boost and ends in a crash, which can leave you feeling worse than you did originally. Waiting until the very last minute to get something done which forces your body to run on adrenaline.

Some ways to manage stress relief would start with managing your time wisely and staying organized. Try to get some form of exercise daily and eat healthily. A very important consideration when you are going through a stressful time, get enough sleep, it may seem a simple answer, but it’s also works.

In one way or another, the COVID-19 has impacted everyone’s lives.

Not surprisingly, the pandemic has triggered a wave of mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, social isolation or just the general stress that’s a result of living through COVID-19, we’re all feeling it.

I am a mental health professional with over 35 years’ experience, dealing with all forms of mental health care – yet I am no different.

When the New York State shut down all non-essential offices in March, life became very different for me. It was challenging. My practice in Dyker Heights, Neighborhood Counseling Center, is an Article 31 so was considered an essential business, therefore we needed to stay open.

My primary consideration for the past 9 months has been to keep my staff and our clients safe. It kept me up at nights, trying to work out a schedule that would allow as many employees as possible to work from home, while still manning the office for essential in-person scheduling.

I decided to change the office hours to 10 to 6 Monday to Friday and Saturday 9 to 5, with online counseling offering a wider range of appointment hours. I reflect on how lucky we were that we had already introduced Online Counseling to our range of services, we were already set up technically, we just needed to demonstrate to our clients, that online counseling was as affective as in person.

Most people were relieved that they could continue with their Therapist from the safety of their own home, but some still needed in office services.

I am the only clinician to remain on site every day, to assist with clinical consultation, review new admissions and supervise my staff. I am constantly doing crises intervention with new and existing clients, and i have been, and will continue to work 7 days a week until the pandemic is over.

We actioned strict CDC guidelines, yet I found myself constantly worrying that the support staff at the office was safe and managing the emotional stress of home and work life. I encouraged self-care, I bought them lunch, made sure they had enough supplies and assisting them with their anxiety.

The anxiety level among our clients and the general population imploded. Existing appointments continued and the requests for new appointment increased like never before. We had also made the decision to expand our BCS Group Practice to the 5 boroughs. There are so many people who need help, but most local private practices closed their doors. I leaned on my management team to keeps things running as smoothly as possible, and our intake team to help communicate and facilitate appointments via our secure online platform.

I also needed to support our therapists who were working remotely, helping them emotionally and supporting them professionally with issues they were experiencing with their clients.

I was taking care of everyone around me, but also, I had to take care of myself. I had to remind myself that I am in a high-risk demographic for Covid-19, having asthma and high blood pressure, it was imperative I protect myself from getting sick so I can take care of those around me. I became extremely proactive, making sure that I, and all my staff followed the rules. Wearing a face mask, staying six feet apart. Constantly sanitizing, not touching my face. But most important I eat right, exercise and get enough sleep.

On a personal note, my daughter is in her last year of college, my anxiety about her safety, and her anxiety about my safety skyrocketed. Thankfully her college is doing classes online, but she still lives on campus. Like many during this pandemic, she adopted a cat. My job as a mother is to make her feel safe and help her through this difficult time.

2020 has been a challenging year for most, but I know i am one of the lucky ones. My family, my staff and I are currently safe and well. We are looking forward to Christmas and the new year. So many people around the world are not so lucky, our thoughts are with them as we head into the festive season. We will continue to serve our community as best we can, staying safe and encouraging others to do the same.

Happy Holidays to you all.

We asked our experts for advice about ways to minimize stress and help everyone in the family feel as good as possible about this unusual holiday season.

1. Don’t wait to make plans

Give everyone time to make good decisions and get comfortable with them, especially if they represent a big change in family traditions.

2. Discuss house rules in advance

You need clear communication, maybe with everybody getting on a call beforehand and laying out who’s comfortable with what.

3. Stay the course

It can be helpful have a script to use if someone isn’t respecting the rules: “My mom says I’m not allowed to give you a hug this year but we can wave!”

4. Give the kids a voice

What would they like to cook?
What games do they want to play?
Do they want to set aside time for favorite movies or listen to special music?

Being part of that decision-making process helps offset some of those negative feelings.

5. Create a safe space to express disappointment

Things will be different this year, family and friends of all ages have expectations for the holiday, many of which will not happen and so create disappointments. Keeping everyone, including your kids in the conversation and letting them know they are heard, can help them feel respected even in situations that don’t go the way they want.

Chances are you’ve been “Ghosted” at sometime.

Ghosting is when someone you’re dating ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without any explanation. And we’re not talking about not returning a text back after one awkward first date, but receiving the ultimate silent treatment after several dates, or when you’re in a committed relationship.

It’s also worth noting that Ghosting also happens in friendships.

There are many reasons why someone Ghosts, but at its core, Ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict. Which may mean that Ghosting is about wanting to avoid confrontation, avoid difficult conversations and/or avoiding hurting someone’s feelings.

For many people, being Ghosted can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disrespected. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more stressful. When someone we may like and trust disengages from us it can feel like a very deep betrayal.

One of the most emotional results of Ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship.

In a nutshell, Ghosting is basically rejection, only without the finality. It often happens out of nowhere and can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and anxious.

What should you do if you think you’ve been Ghosted? Step away. It’ll only lead to turmoil, heartbreak, and pain that you don’t need in your life.

Focused Articles

The benefits of female therapists for women

The challenges that women deal with are often directly related to their gender; sexism, stereotyping, motherhood, childbirth issues, infertility struggles etc.

why am i always so tired?

The Hidden Crime

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Below are 10 common indicators of abuse:

If you can say yes to even one of these, you are in an abusive relationship.

Be prepared in case you need to call a shelter

Prepare an emergency bag, for a quick exit

Leave the situation

The impact of Stress

You should never underestimate the affect that stress can have on your body and your mind.

My Life since COVID-19 started

Minimize holiday stress during a Pandemic

We asked our experts for advice about ways to minimize stress and help everyone in the family feel as good as possible about this unusual holiday season.

1. Don’t wait to make plans

2. Discuss house rules in advance

3. Stay the course

4. Give the kids a voice

5. Create a safe space to express disappointment

What is Ghosting?

Chances are you’ve been “Ghosted” at sometime.

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