Advice - Page 8 of 11 - BCS Counseling.

An article by Nicoletta Pallotta, MD, LCSW.

The challenges that women deal with are often directly related to their gender; sexism, stereotyping, motherhood, childbirth issues, infertility struggles etc.

As a society we like to think that we’ve achieved ‘equality’, but the truth is the way women experience life and are perceived in life, is still very different to men.

Traditionally perceived gender roles are something we’ll never truly escape. There is inherent pressure on women to balance career and family, and this is something that affects women across the globe. If you have children, you probably undergo immense guilt when unavoidable parental obligations interrupt your working day, even if a 60-hour week is your norm, deep down you may still think this way. All this in addition to the general predicament of feeling undervalued both at home and at work.

If you feel like you need help in dealing with any aspect of life, there’s a lot to be said for talking to someone of the same sex. Female therapists get it, because they live it. They understand. This is not to say that male therapists aren’t amazing and don’t add value, but when you’re dealing with sensitive subjects that are unique to women (and even when you’re not) it can be comforting, and easier to talk to a female counselor who can personally relate to much of what you’re going through.

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Hot flashes, depression, insomnia or other symptoms, are called the menopausal transition, or peri-menopause.

The menopausal transition most often begins between ages 45 and 55. It usually lasts about 7 years but can last as long as 14 years. During the menopausal transition, the body’s production of estrogen and progesterone, two hormones made by the ovaries, varies greatly. Bones become less dense, making women more vulnerable to fractures. During this period, too, the body begins to use energy differently, fat cells change, and women may gain weight more easily.

Menopause may be triggered by a hysterectomy or surgical removal of the ovaries, which produce hormones. If you have surgery to remove your ovaries or uterus and are not taking hormones, you will experience the symptoms of menopause immediately.

This time in a woman’s life is often full of other transitions—not just physical ones. Women may be caring for aging parents or relatives, supporting their children as they move into adulthood, or taking on new responsibilities at work.

Is It Menopause?

If you are having symptoms commonly associated with the menopausal transition, your doctor may ask questions about your age, symptoms, and family history to determine if it really is the menopausal transition causing your symptoms. In some cases, your doctor may suggest a blood test to check your follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and estradiol (E2) levels to rule out any other causes for the changes you’re experiencing.

The menopausal transition, sometimes called perimenopause, begins several years before a woman’s last period. During this time, women may experience spotty menstrual cycles, hot flashes, and other changes. While this time is commonly referred to as “menopause,” menopause doesn’t happen until 1 year after the final menstrual period.

After menopause, women enter post-menopause. Post-menopausal women are more vulnerable to heart disease and osteoporosis. At this time, it is important to eat a healthy diet and make sure you get lots of calcium to keep your bones strong.

A woman who doesn’t want to get pregnant should continue to use birth control for at least a full 12 months after her last period.

Learn more about the signs and symptoms of menopause. Looking for some relief? Read about options to reduce hot flashes and ways to get a better night’s sleep.

The 5 stages of grief:

1. 1. 1. Denial
    2. Anger
    3. Bargaining
    4. Depression
    5. Acceptance

Denial

Denial is a normally an immediate and temporary response, that carries you through the first wave of pain, you might even doubt the reality of the loss at first. But when you are ready, the feelings and emotions you have denied will surface, and your healing journey will commence.

Anger

It is common to feel anger toward the situation or person you lost. In reality, you understand the person isn’t to blame, but emotionally, you may feel like you resent them for leaving you.

Bargaining

Guilt might rear its head during this stage, your emotions might be trying to regain some control. Non of this is uncommon and as hard as it might feel, this helps you face the reality of your loss.

Depression

Depression, or sadness, is a natural and appropriate response to grief. As you start to face the reality of your loss, the realization may lead you to feel varying degrees sadness to great despair.

Acceptance

An important stage. Accepting the loss you’ve experienced, learning to live with it, and how you will readjust your life accordingly. This may not be the end of your grief, moving back-and-forth between these stages is natural and a part of the healing process. Everyone is different, don’t try to rush it.

Everyone experiences grief differently, you might feel your own grieving process isn’t going “according to the norm” but there is no such thing as a right or wrong way to grieve while of coping with loss.

If you feel you might need a little extra help dealing with grief, contact us now to schedule an appointment with a fully trained and compassionate therapist: APPOINTMENTS

Valentine’s Day, love is the topic of the moment.

When we think about love, we generally think in terms of who loves us and whom we love, both of which refer to others. What if Valentine’s Day were really about falling in love with ourselves? Cherishing ourselves?

No matter what relationship you are in, if you don’t know how to appreciate yourself then you don’t know what would make you happy and whole. Some women feel if they don’t have a date, someone to buy them roses or chocolate that they are not worth it.

Last year I was alone for Valentine’s Day and it was an eye opening experience. I realized that loving myself was a difficult lesson to learn. I started to write in my journal. If I met the perfect man, what would I want from him on this day? I initially didn’t know what I would give myself. I continued to struggle and my thoughts started to flow. I decided I would pamper myself with a spa day an get a massage, manicure, pedicure and perhaps even go see that movie I have been wanting to see for some time. So that is what I did. It was the best Valentine’s Day ever.

Let loving yourself remain constant in your life. Use today to implement that and start the path of self love. Even if you have a partner, make just as much time for yourself as you are willing to make for your significant other. Break out your journal, some candles and let yourself relax and write. Take a bubble bath, treat yourself to a home spa day, indulge in that massage you have wanted, or eat in that restaurant that you have been eyeing for weeks….

You deserve it and you deserve to be loved!

Anxiety will vary from person to person, you may experience nervousness, restlessness, feel tense or a sense of panic or impending doom.

Anxiety can cause physical symptoms such as a fast heartbeat or sweating. It is a normal human response to be anxious in certain situations, but you may have an anxiety disorder if you feel anxious all or most of the time.

Some symptoms of anxiety include:

difficulty focusing or thinking clearly
insomnia
rapid heart rate, breathing, or hyperventilation
increased or heavy sweating
digestive or gastrointestinal problems, such as gas, constipation, or diarrhea
a strong desire to avoid the things that trigger your anxiety
obsessions about certain ideas
anxiety surrounding a particular life event or experience that has occurred in the past

Get help early. Anxiety, like many other mental health conditions, can be harder to treat if you wait. Speak to a professional, your Doctor or a Licensed Therapist.

Self-care is a crucial part of looking after yourself, as well as those around you.

Practicing self-care can produce positive feelings, which boosts motivation and self-esteem leaving you with increased energy to support yourself as well as your loved ones. Engaging in a self-care routine has been proven to reduce anxiety, stress and depression, improve concentration, minimize frustration and anger, increase happiness, improve energy, and more.

Self-care means something different to each of us, but it doesn’t need to be complicated or overly time consuming. We asked our therapists to share their own self-care routines, maybe some of these might work for you:

Victoria
Cup of Tea at night. Glass of wine with my husband while we watch a fun show. Cooking for fun.

Ana
Cooking and creating joy with food is one of my favorite forms of self care.

Auressa
Winding down in the evenings by taking a shower with lavender & vanilla body wash and lotion, doing bed yoga, drinking “well-rested” tea and doing my night time meditation. I also try to do a bentonite clay mask every week to take a mindful pause and care for my skin.

Dahley
Getting into bed by 10pm. No electronics 1 hour before bed. Drink water. Natural light. Workout 4 days a week.

Ariana
I enjoy being mindful of my phone usage, especially in the morning. I like to stretch & release any stagnant energy or emotions trapped within my body. I love finding new songs & listening to old ones that i enjoyed most. I enjoy meditation & travel. Travel resonates most because i truly believe in working to live, not living to work, especially in the time of working from home which has beautiful perks but can exacerbate feelings of stagnancy.

Heather
I keep a daily bullet journal. It is great for me because it serves two purposes. First, as I am not even a little artistic, my friend creates the monthly outline for me. This means that she and I have a standing monthly date so we know that we are going to spend time together which is wonderful self-care for me. Second, it means that I get daily self-care as I take 5-10 minutes to reflect on my day and record the things I for which I am grateful.

Rachel
I enjoy getting into bed early and reading a book. I also enjoy coloring and painting, watching tv shows and movies, and getting my nails done.

Gabrielle
I often use 4-7-8 breathing. Inhaling for a mental count of 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds. This breathing technique really activates the parasympathetic response and helps reset after encountering a stressor or feeling overwhelmed. I will usually do a set of 10-20 breaths. It really works.

Amy
I rely on humor as much as possible– I especially enjoy taking a few minutes to laugh at funny memes about therapy & therapists.

Judy
A Large Latte! Every evening 1-2 Seinfeld episodes. Fill up pitcher of water with blend of nutritive teas including green tea for caffeine, grounded flax seeds, chia seeds, almond milk and cinnamon, drink throughout the day. Go out with friends once a week for fun

Paul
When times are normal, and covid numbers aren’t as high as they currently, I go for bi-weekly manicure appointments and I go with my mother so it’s also quality time with mom. I also enjoy reading and having virtual visits with friends and family, Prayer is also a big part of my daily life.

Azadeh
Walks, knitting 🧶 , meditation 🧘🏻‍♀️, reading 📚

Zoe
Daily exercise, warm tea in the morning, journaling, reaching out to friends, nourishing food, cooking. No screens before bed.

Billie
it is so important for me that I take quiet time and time to move my body. I do at least 20 minutes of yoga, 4 times a week, I have tea before bed every work-night, and I protect my Sundays for rest and laziness, or for whatever I say I want to do.

Gabriella
Salsa dancing classes 1x/week, exercise 3x/week, music during my daily commute, nail salon visit 1x/month.

Cynthia
Daily prayer. Getting out of the house. Stretching. Getting enough sleep. Reading something interesting or enjoyable.

Darlene
Having a mental health day to relax, taking a personal care and self pampering time for yourself. Facial, manicure, pedicure, sauna, these things can be done in the comfort of your own home. Relax with a nice cup of tea or wine and most importantly prayer for our family, loved ones, friends and ourselves.

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Empowerment therapy encourages people to gain the skills and knowledge that will allow them to overcome obstacles in life or a work environment and ultimately, help them develop within themselves or in the society.

Women’s empowerment is a type of therapy that focuses on a women’s sense of self-worth, their ability to determine their own choices, and their right to influence social change for themselves and others. It is a character-building experience in which therapists encourage clients to accept responsibility for their actions.

Our therapists believe that how clients view themselves, and how others treat them, are influenced by their social environment. They honor each woman’s unique experience based on the intersection of her diverse identity.

Personal Empowerment therapy is a process which enables individuals to gain power, authority and influence over themselves, their life or society.

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The most common symptoms include mental block, lack of motivation, irritability, stress eating or loss of appetite and insomnia. Mental exhaustion can affect you for both short-term or long-term. If left unchecked, it can lead to all sorts of serious health problems, including anxiety and burnout.

You get irritated easily. You don’t know why, but almost everything can irritate you. Unfortunately, this can mean you take your frustrations out on those closest to you – those who probably don’t deserve it.

You find it hard to get motivated. You struggle to find the motivation you need for your daily life. This can result in you having a hard time with school, the workplace or even in your own home.

Heightened anxiety. As a result of your mental exhaustion, you probably feel more anxiety or stress, you probably get worried unnecessarily.

Sleep deprived. The overwhelming feeling of exhaustion makes it harder for you to calm your thoughts and fall asleep, which only compounds the fatigue that you are already experiencing.

You are constantly physically tired. When you’re suffering from fatigue, it doesn’t matter how much you sleep, you will still be tired when you get up. It seems never ending.

Mental Fatigue is a treatable condition. The best way to treat it is to eliminate the stressor or the stressful event, if you find you are unable to eliminate the stressor, take advantage of resources available to cope. Talk with a mental health specialist about ways to manage stress and anxiety.

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We all go through periods of low energy or feeling tired, multiple days of feeling overly tired is not uncommon, but most people can tell when their fatigue feels like something more serious. If that’s the case, or your fatigue gets worse or lasts longer than a week or two, it’s time to get some help.

Psychological causes of tiredness are much more common than physical causes:

Stress
The strains of daily life can feel like they are wearing you out, remember that even positive events, such as moving house or getting married, can cause exhausting stress.

Emotional shock
A bereavement, redundancy or a relationship break-up can make you feel tired and exhausted. Getting professional help to make this grief or shock can help you understand and manage your mental responses.

Depression
If you feel continued sadness and you wake up tired, you may have depression. Sadness is an expected human feeling, but if the sadness extends past 2 to 3 weeks, they it maybe be something more serious. Keep a diary, monitor your feelings. And get help if your sadness persists.

Anxiety
Anxiety can be exhausting! and a perfectly normal human emotion. But if you have regular, excessive feelings of anxiety, you may have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. GAD characterized chronic, exaggerated worry and tension that is more severe than the normal anxiety most people experience. As well as feeling worried and irritable, people with GAD often feel tired.

If you think your tiredness may be a result of one of the above, and you’d like to talk to a professional, contact us now – we will match you with the right therapist for you.

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An article by : Nicoletta Pallotta

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Social isolation and working from home, aimed to stop the spread of the coronavirus may be making domestic violence more frequent, more severe and more dangerous. Are you or someone you love being abused? 1 out of every 3 women are in an abusive relationship and this issue becoming even more common during COVID-19, while we are stressed and forced to spend large amounts of time at home together.

Below are 10 common indicators of abuse:

Stalking: questioning your every move while telling you that they love you and are being protective
Texting or calling you constantly; insisting they are concerned about you and want to make sure that you are safe
Controlling your finances: forcing you to account in detail for every dollar that you spend
Criticizing you for every little thing you do
Humiliating you in front of your family and friends
Angering easily, particularly if he or she is drinking
Forcing you to have sex against your will
Hitting or punching you
Jealously of friendships or any other relationships you have
Isolating you from family and friends

If you can say yes to even one of these, you are in an abusive relationship.

During a calm stage, it’s easy to remain in the relationship thinking that it won’t happen again, but it doesn’t help to ignore the problem or live in hope that the abuser will change. It’s very important to be prepared and have a safety, back-up plan in case the violence erupts again.

Be prepared in case you need to call a shelter

It’s not accepting defeat to be ready. Find out about legal options or other resources available to you before you have to use them. You should know exactly where to go and how to get there, even if a situation arises the middle of the night.

Prepare an emergency bag, for a quick exit

Keep cash, a checkbook, your savings account details, identification, a medical insurance card and your address book in a safe place where the abuser can’t find it. The last thing you want to be worried about at a time like this is money!

Leave the situation

If it happens, be ready to go. If you have children, take them with you. If you are in immediate danger call 911.

Newer Posts

Older Posts

Focused Articles

The benefits of female therapists for women

The challenges that women deal with are often directly related to their gender; sexism, stereotyping, motherhood, childbirth issues, infertility struggles etc.

The Journey of Menopause

Hot flashes, depression, insomnia or other symptoms, are called the menopausal transition, or peri-menopause.

5 stages of grief

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Everyone experiences grief differently, you might feel your own grieving process isn’t going “according to the norm” but there is no such thing as a right or wrong way to grieve while of coping with loss.

Valentine’s Day

No matter what relationship you are in, if you don’t know how to appreciate yourself then you don’t know what would make you happy and whole. Some women feel if they don’t have a date, someone to buy them roses or chocolate that they are not worth it.

anxiety

Our therapists share their Self-care routines

Self-care is a crucial part of looking after yourself, as well as those around you.

Self-care means something different to each of us, but it doesn’t need to be complicated or overly time consuming. We asked our therapists to share their own self-care routines, maybe some of these might work for you:

what is empowerment?

what is mental fatigue and do you have it?

why am i always so tired?

The Hidden Crime

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Below are 10 common indicators of abuse:

If you can say yes to even one of these, you are in an abusive relationship.

Be prepared in case you need to call a shelter

Prepare an emergency bag, for a quick exit

Leave the situation

APPOINTMENTS

For Appointments:

718 313 4357

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